i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
