ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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