Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
