I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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