I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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