the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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