I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
