if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
