your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My vagina just recognized that song.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
