I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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