Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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