Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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