eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
