Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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