Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
