you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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