I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
