Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So much rum. So many feels.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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