The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
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Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
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