Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
