I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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