i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
