i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
