I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
