yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
