I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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