Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
