Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
