elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
