I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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