Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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