In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You are a genius and a whore.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
