I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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