I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
