I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
