Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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