SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
