I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
