i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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