I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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