I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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