Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
