She is in my trunk
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
