Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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