Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
