I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
my liver is dry heaving
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
