Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
