Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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