i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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