Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
