so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
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i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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