wanna go halves on a baby?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
