So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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