'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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