end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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