i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize