i don't like sucking hair
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
