goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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