So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
