if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
