Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
