I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
