i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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