Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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