I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Your penis caused this!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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