i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
