Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
