...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
