you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
